Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
