The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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