opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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