Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
