Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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