well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
