I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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