I just pynch a tree in the face
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
