Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
