I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
