i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
