About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
