Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
