you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
