Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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