brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
