dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
