for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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