Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
