My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
