just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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