And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
