Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
