I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
