when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
