Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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