god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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