Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
