At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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