he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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