We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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