Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
