Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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