They should really pass out barf bags in church
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
