Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
