it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
