why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
