It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
