Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
