idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
