don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
