I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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