If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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