I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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