So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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