New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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