I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
