Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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