remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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