do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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