lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
