just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
