I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
